Finding my voice

Here I sit, in front of the blank posting screen with that cursor blinking at me. It reminds me of the fear I'd feel when my mother was put out with me for some reason - she'd cross her arms, arch her right eyebrow and tap her foot - at much the same tempo as the blinking cursor, waiting.... waiting. Waiting for what? Waiting for me to say something brilliant to explain or excuse what I'd done. I learned over time that the most expedient way to get out of whatever trouble I was in was to make her laugh, to deflect the focus away from my faulty judgement and onto the rediculousness of the situation. It seems I've endowed the cursor with my mother's expectations, trouble is I'm not so sure what to say anymore.

It occurs to me that this is much like getting to know someone, finding a comfort zone. I'm rejecting ideas that come into my head because inwardly I groan at the prospect of having to give the backstory or setup before the story. Even though no one is reading this, there is the possibility that someone may, and even more than my mother's tapping foot, I fear boring. Intellectually, I know I can tell a story, or make a point. It's just my inner editor, that overbearing perfectionist, has his iron fist clamped tightly down on the pump handle of my idea well, tapping his jack-booted foot, waiting, waiting for me to say something brilliant.

Another day...

So whats this about a miraculous healing? Its all about microcurrent therapy. I'd been to "regular doctors" who diagnosed the pain in my two big toes as arthritis. Two years later and additional back pain which I attributed to premenopause and burgeoning weight around my middle with no real relief sent me looking elsewhere. I happened upon a Naturopath (a rare thing here in the upper midwest). Complaining chiefly of the nagging chronic back pain, she sent me home with three herbal/vitamin proprietary blends, told me to purchase a body ball to exercise my iliopsoas and scheduled me for a microcurrent appointment. Not knowing what to expect, I returned in a week, already seeing improvement in the back pain.

Nancy, the technician greeted me warmly and briefly explained what we were going to do. Skeptical and a little unnerved at the black gloves, the electrodes and the box with dials, I did my best to relax on the table in my hospital gown. Nancy placed her black gloved hand just above my hip bone and kept it there for the whole session. Throughout my session our conversation which was almost constant for the 60 minutes I was there, she told me personal experiences, and made astounding recuperative claims that made me seriously question my decision to do this. At the end, she told me to get dressed and meet her at the front window - then left the room. I rolled my eyes, and could just imagine the abuse I'd have to take for falling for what I still thought was a hoax. Then, I got off of the table. What had been on a scale of 1 - 10, a 7 in back pain was not there! NOT THERE! At first, I attributed it to relaxing in an ergonomic position for an hour, but the realization kept coming back - the pain was gone!!

When I met Nancy at the front window, I was nothing short of amazed. I lamented that I hadn't mentioned my painful toes during the session so that they could be addressed too. She told me that they were connected to the same muscle group we'd worked on and said that she thought the pain might improve in a couple of days. She said that she'd like to see me one more time to see what the progress was and to treat me further if necessary. I left, still marvelling at the absence of the pain that had been my constant companion for quite a while. I went about my daily business and slowly the realization dawned on me that while my back was pain free, so were my toes!

So I am going back for my second session a complete believer! More on this later.

Starting Out

There are worse places to live than Fargo/Moorhead. Smaller towns, bigger cities, scarier demographics, more boring. But here is where I live right now and now is what I'm writing about.

Words are my medium and while I have yet to find a way to make a living with them, I do love to share my words with others. Hence starting this Blog.

Here and now I am a Realtor wishing I was a writer. Earning a living, raising children, finding time, overcoming pain and lethargy, have been my blocks to having my wish come true, but little by little, I am overcoming these blocks. The Realtor gig gives me the free time if I work it right, as well as providing a second income. The kids are now teens not needing much raising albeit considerably more involvement. I'm down to pain and just plain laziness as my excuses now and in my next post I hope to chronicle my newfound vitality and how I got there!