COLD

60 Degrees Above Zero

• Californians turn on the heat.
• People in North Dakota plant gardens.

50 Degrees Above Zero

• Californians shiver uncontrollably.
• People in Fargo sunbathe.

40 Degrees Above Zero

• Italian and English made cars won't start.
• People in Minnesota drive with the windows down.

32 Degrees Above Zero

• Distilled water freezes.
• The water in Fargo/Moorhead gets thicker.

20 Degrees Above Zero

• Californians don coats, thermal underwear, gloves, and wool hats.
• People in Minnesota throw on a flannel shirt.

15 Degrees Above Zero

• New York landlords finally turn up the heat.
• People in North Dakota have the last cookout before it gets cold.

Zero

• People in Miami all die.
• Iowans close the windows.

5 Degrees BELOW Zero

• Californians fly away to Mexico.
• People in Minnesota get out their winter coats.

10 Degrees BELOW Zero

• Hollywood disintegrates.
• The Girl Scouts in North Dakota are selling cookies door to door.

20 Degrees BELOW Zero

• Washington DC runs out of hot air.
• People in Minnesota let the dogs sleep indoors.

30 Degrees BELOW Zero

• Santa Claus abandons the North Pole.
• People in Fargo get upset because they can't start the minivan.

40 Degrees BELOW Zero

• Atomic motion slows down.
• People in Fargo/Moorhead start saying "So, is it cold enough for ya?"

50 Degrees BELOW... (Bee FREAKIN' LOW) ZERO!

• Hell freezes over.
• Fargo Public Schools open 2 hours late. (maybe)